Pig Ears

When I think about pigs, I envision a pastoral Charlotte's Web kind of scene with cute little runts running willy nilly in the mud. Little runts. But unless my market is exclusively butchering mutant steroid pigs, I previously underestimated the size of the average adult swine to a significant degree. This was made evident when I walked down my grocer's aisles to the section between pork fat and pork heart, et Voila! Huge, hairy, hand-sized pig ears.

Pig ears are eaten around the world as an economic alternative to other, more expensive cuts of pork. (Spoiled) Americans tend to shun the parts of the animal that take time and technique to coax flavors from, especially when McDonald's is right up the street. There are literally dozens of preparations for the ears, ranging from soups to sandwiches to sashimi.

Liposuction gone horribly awry. I didn't show you the original uncooked ear, but in all honesty I shaved it down with a razor.

Boom. Pig ears. Cute, huh? With bad boys like these, I now somehow doubt that ear nibbling/kissing/blowing happens pre-coitus in the pig world. Okay, so I somehow doubt that any pre-coitus activities happen in the pig world. Why are we talking about pork porking? You brought it up, weirdo. Moving along. While I love most parts of the pig, I love bacon. Sure, I could go to Whole Paycheck and spend $10 for a couple of slabs of the stuff, but I figure I'd come up with a faux recipe.

Pig Ear Crisps

1.5 lbs pig ears
1.5 lbs pork product such as bones or trotters (can substitute chicken/beef)
2 yellow onions, roughly chopped
2 carrots, roughly chopped
2 ribs celery, roughly chopped
1 fennel bulb, roughly chopped
3 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
1/4 C red wine vinegar
1/4 C honey
2 bay leaves
6 sprigs thyme
6 sprigs parsley
15-20 whole black peppercorns
kosher salt, pinch for stock and pinch for finished crisps

Cover the pig ears and other meat product(s) with cold water in a large pot and bring to a boil. Strain the pork to rid it of the scum that forms, add the remaining ingredients, refill with cold water to cover, and bring to a boil again. Reduce the heat to a light simmer and skim scum and fats that rise to the surface. After 2 1/2 hours, remove the ears and continue to reduce the stock for another 1 1/2 hours. Strain and save the liquid. Slice the ears in 1/4" strips, dip in a batter (see Cactus Leaf entry), and then place in the fryer for 3-5 minutes. Remove the crisps, place them on a paper towel, and salt immediately. Serve atop a chopped salad.

As you can see by the dolphin-shaped ear strip, I am sensitive.

Xtreme Bacos!

This recipe may seem like a lot of work, but most of what's really involved is stirring, skimming, and occasional straining. And not all these ingredients are necessary for the dish. I essentially only created a stock, which can substitute vegetables and herbs such as parsnips, leeks, mushrooms, tomatoes, rosemary, cocoa nibs, etc. depending on the type of meat. Once you pop the products in the pot you're pretty much set to sit back and watch the 92nd season of Lost or some other cinematic stool sample. Additionally, you'll have 3-4 cups of some great pork broth leftover, and not much can beat the rich flavor of homemade stock.

These crisps have a lot of flavor and texture, but not one that I'm sure everyone will enjoy. There is the initial crunch of the fry followed by a gelatinous, gooey pork goodness, and then the somewhat disconcerting chew of the cartilage in the middle. If you didn't know what you were eating, you might even think it was brittle bone. So in the event that you don't own thermal underwear, know how to properly wield an axe, or know what kind of gun Jesse Ventura was shooting in Predator, you probably want to avoid pig ears. But you could always substitute bacon (bacon, Bacon, BACON!), which I hear grows chest hair as well.

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